Thursday, January 22, 2009

why can't i shake this funk? i hate today. today is a funk. again. like yesterday...and the day before that...and the day before that.
i usually say, "i just want today to be over." but i don't think that's going to help here. i'm putting on my shoes. so i can run.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


I'm giggling right now because I just found something hilarious by my bedside. hehehe A few nights ago I had more "adult beverages" than ever in a solitary evening, and several of the night's specifics were lost to Bombay Saphire. Unfortunately, I can't remember a few key points, and because I dream such vivid dreams, I can't quite figure out if some of these flashbacks I'm having are real or fictional. This happens to me in regular life, too, so don't think poorly of me. Any given day, or maybe even every given day, I have flashes of insignificant tasks, and can't recall if I did them, or if dreaming-me did them. Like one time, all day I kept thinking of a really mean text message I got from a guy friend in the middle of the night...and I'm still not totally sure whether it happened. I don't think it did, I think it was just part of a dream, but who really knows.
Anyway, the thing I found by my bedside just now was/is quite a delight. I had a flashback of writing something in a notebook, but was fairly sure I dreamed it. I kept forgetting to look for it, until just now I was changing into my PJs and there it was. A red, wide-ruled notebook from WalMart, complete with scrawled [drunken] writing. What a treat! Here it goes:

"I'm so much more drunk than I've ever been. Ever. I'm currently writing w/ one eye opened, in my pajamas, one knee up wagging to the beat of my intoxication.
I went to The Rock tonight...celebrating the ______ of T* H*, a boy who is both [devilishly] charming and 100% lovely after three cocktails (dirty martinis; bombay saphire). He finished the rest of my 4th and final beverage, a Fat Tire.
I'm writing all this down so I remember it tmrw, b/c chances are, I'll forget it all - as I've never been so...drunk. sigh.
I think I kissed I can't remember shit. And so I'm that intoxicated...I'll even sware to the sober-me in 4-letter words.
What a night. I feel so...special and common both. sigh."

hehehehehehe....I tried to stay true to the actual puncuation, and I must say how impressed with myself I am, that I can still spell and puncuate properly (mostly) after that much gin. A couple of side-notes, 1) I actually drew the "_____" in the second paragraph. I usually do that (when I'm sober), to indicate that I can't think of a satisfactory word. hehe 2) In the original, I did write out his name (I'm sure I never imagined I would publish this darling little note), but in order to protect him from potential embarrassment, I thought I better leave it out. 3) The scribble is really difficult to read, and I can't decide if the word in the "[ ]" is devilishly or deliciously. 3) I always use that many elipses. 4) I had a beer and a glass of wine at home before the liquor. Ouch.
I'm sort of a little bit in love with this precious bit of honesty. Even though I was toasted beyond all measure, I was at least being true. And, even though I was toasted beyond all measure, I think I actually used the bit of real eloquence I do posess. I adore the last line. How is it possible that I might be able to articulate my feelings better when too drunk to remember they even happened?