Sunday, January 17, 2010

Suddenly, I have passion. Suddenly, I feel like I've woken up. I feel like I've been sleeping for so long. For years. Forever. I want to be drastic. I want to do something severe; something that will forever change me. I want to sell everything I own, pay off my debt, and move somewhere. A place where I might help someone. I don't want to want anymore. I want to be emptied of *things and refilled with passion and love and tenderness. I want a fire that never slows, that burns red and blue. Flames that stretch and lick and glow. I want the fire to consume me at this very hour, and only with time grow and widen and burn all the more.

I've always known I'm different. I've always known I'm made, designed, fashioned for something hard and wearying and unjust. I've always known I was intended for this wild fire, this wild love, and a wild ability to, like fire, expand and move and grow and change directions at the slightest breeze. I am a wild creature. And I feel as though I have finally been set free.

It doesn't matter where I begin. What I sell first, or how I sell it. Just that I do begin. That I, being set free, release this wild desperation to do something more. It's time.