derailed

i already wrote a blog today, but since it was 2:26am at my last post, it really counts as yesterday. anyway, i want to try to redeem the horrific sadness of my last entry. i guess they're all sad, but that one was written in the midst of heavy tears, so when i read it, it just seems more heavy than the others. or something.
i like writing every day. or most days. and since few of you even read this, i feel even better about opening up. which i guess is rare for me. sharing my feelings isn't my strongest attribute. i'm a pretty private person, so i struggle with letting go the intimate details of the things happening in my heart. but when something this huge and life-changing presents itself, i can put aside the feelings of inadequacy and just share.
i can't say enough how much i miss my dad. every day it gets a little harder, 'cause the shock's wearing off and reality's pouring its blunt little self all over the floor in front of me. i've never been the type to live one day at a time, and while all this inspires me to do so, it's still hard not to envision my future and just how lonely it's going to be without my Pops.
i just kinda lost my train of thought and all ability to keep typing with any flavor. i'm going to bed and tomorrow i'm going back HOME! (i've been house-sitting.)
thank you God for holding me when i need it most.