and then...

my immediate inclination is to say, "i've got a lot going on right now..." but before i typed it as my opening line i realized...i do not have a lot going on right now. in fact, i have one thing going on right now: school. i wish, too, i could say, "school takes up all my time," but alas, it would be another half-truth. school is the only thing i have going on these days, but not because i spend all my time studying (i should, though), or because i'm loving it, or even because i have tons of homework. sadly, no. school is the only thing because it truly is the only thing. i don't have a job (weird), i don't have a boyfriend (so what else is new), i don't have a ton of homework or a hobby. -sigh- i have my dog...and she's awesome, and she's nothing if not wild enough to keep me occupied in the evenings. but i'm realizing...i am not content being this one-dimensional person-thing i'm becoming. i need something else.
i've started reading classics again, which is EXcellent. how some of these people (my student peer people) can read sixteen cases a night and nothing else, ever, is so far beyond me. i'm in the midst of Les Miserables right now and i keep thinking...if i could find a job where all i did allll day was read classic literature...i'd be the happiest woman on earth. for literature i could be one-sided. i want one of those massive libraries like on Beauty and the Beast...and i'd probably sing about it and twirl in circles, too.
so throughout this quarter-life-crisis-thing i'm going through (which is another "blog" altogether i haven't gotten to writing yet, but trust me, i'm crisising), i have come up with about 14 very different careers i'm positive i would enjoy forever. the list continues to dwindle as i test out each and every path. i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, the testing. it's certainly costing me money.
because of all this career-figure-outing i have to do, i also have this battle in my head about "spiritual matters" relative to the subject. it goes something like this:

is it more Godly to -
1) find something you can do, do it, stick with it, and get over the fact that you don't love it, as long as you're living a Godly life while you're doing it, or
2) try, try, try and don't stop looking until you find something you truly love, because that thing, the thing you love is what God has for you, and that's why you love it.

i think i'm living like i believe the second one, but the second part of #2 is not really why i'm looking. so is it "wrong" that i'm searching so hard for happiness and my search is not motivated by "God's plan"? yeah, that answer sounds easy. it's wrong. whatever. but i guess i feel pretty certain i can live a Godly life no matter what i'm doing, so i'd really love to add happiness and fulfillment to that picture.
i probably stopped making sense a long time ago. anyway, the point is...sometimes i still feel like i'm 18 and trying to pick my major...only this time it's like my entire future and i feel all this pressure like i'm running out of time. someone tell me slow down! and then someone tell me how.