so...obviously it's been awhile since i've "posted"...i seemed to have skipped the entire month of march, but i assure you - nothing terribly worth mentioning, anyway. and there's not now, either. i was just on looking at beautiful haylee ray, and thought i'd go ahead and write something.
things are fine. still don't really know how to answer that question when people ask. i think i'm doing well! and not, "...considering." i really am just doing well. life goes on when one life goes on, if you know what i mean. i miss my dad a lot these days, and yet, i don't think or feel like it's really sunk in. maybe it never does. grief is so strange and so unexplainable. it is, unfortunately, something you can never prepare yourself for, and something you really can't experience "the right way." i mean, i'm no psychologist, and i know there are "bad" ways to grieve, like...hurting other people somehow, sure, but it's not like i'm never going to drown my sorrows in booze, and like i'm going to talk about shit all the time to "get it out."
okay, so maybe i'm kinda pissed at the whole thing. the whole grieving thing, i mean. you're sort of raised (not by parents, more like...everything around you), to think and believe there's this magical formula for grief, and when you do it right, it won't hurt so bad. and there's this list of shoulds and shouldn'ts, but the only people who push those things on you are the ones who've never lost a parent, or a sibling, or a significant other. you guys who have lost someone that close to you...you know what i mean. not like we're this exclusive group, but you at least know the pain of loss PLUS the pain of having absolutely no idea what to do about it. cause you're supposed to "fix" everything that's "broken," right? -sigh-
sorry. again, i'm not trying to exclude anybody here. and NOT trying to say, "if it hasn't happened to you, you're just ignorant." cause that would be way lame. and just plain incorrect. some of my most empathetic, closest friends who have said the most perfect things haven't lost anything or anyone. so yeah. don't get me wrong here. i'm really just venting. :)
sloppy. that's what this is. :) anyway, pray for me if you think about it. i have to figure out this job -slash- life thing. oh, and don't ask me how my mom's doing.....if you want to know, ask her yourself: seamsndreams at yahoo dot com.
love!
1 comment:
grief sucks and I don't think you ever really "get over it". I lost my aunt (more like a big sister) who was VERY close to me when I was 10 and still have days when it just hits me like a ton of bricks. She is who I named Stephanie after and that has helped to kinda see "life go on" but either way I was robbed...I can't say she was because she's in heaven, but I just get pissed (still) that she has missed so much and hasn't been there to do life with me.....know I love you and pray for you all the time! You're dad was one of the most amazing men I've had the privilege of knowing!!
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