sometimes...when i'm doing something normal, like checking my myspace or buying groceries...i find myself looking at people (or their pictures and comments and posts) and wondering how they can just go on. how can they just be happy and normal and excited about things? my dad's dead, ya know? i'm sure that's some unfortunate side effect of grief, 'cause i've heard things like that from people who've been in this position before, but you really can't understand it until you're here. in fact, there's about a million things you can't understand until you lose a parent (or, i suppose someone else that close). i don't mean to sound like i'm saying, "you people just don't understand!" because i don't mean to sound ridiculous like that. it's just....grief is absolutely something you cannot understand until you live it.
i wish i could eloquently say all the things i want to say, and i wish i could remember everything i want to say. but i get exhausted when i start writing about my dad 'cause there's too much to write about. i miss every single thing about him. i miss all the things that annoyed me so much just four weeks ago. more than anything, i swear ANYthing, i just wish i could hug him. i miss his hugs so much.
when i was a little girl i didn't let a night go by that i didn't tell him, "i love you, dad...you're the best dad in the world!" and i hope you all have excellent fathers who love and cherish and hug you like my dad did, but i must say, i still believe whole-heartedly that i had the best dad in the world.
1 comment:
I know I can't understand what you're going through, but I was thinking about you yesterday, and what a hard day that must have been for your family. I hope time really does heal all wounds, as "they" say, though I don't know if that even applies here. Love you & thinking about you, Emily. - Andrea
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